Mandala: Public Domain Pictures
Welcome to my blog! Feel free to leave any comments here!!
I am also working on a Storybook Project about Rama and his twin sons. If you are interested you can find it here! I hope you enjoy it and feel free to make comments about what I can do better!
Hi Sydney! I read your intro of Double Trouble and I love it! When I was reading it I thought wow this is really creative. I'm excited to read your stories on there. How are you thinking of doing your website? I think it'd be cool if you could make it interactive with the reader somehow. Maybe as Rama ask questions throughout the story and give the readers the option of clicking a response (that you've made) as either Kushan or Lavraj that effects the outcome of the story, if that makes sense. Overall though I'm excited to see your Storybook Project grow and develop!
ReplyDeleteP.s. I love the world map picture used in the background of the home page!
DeleteI love your rendition of Rama as the down-to-earth, fatherly kind of guy who tells heroic stories to his sons. The only thing I was wondering was your inclusion of the twins calling out for their father at the end of your introduction. The whole last segment is an interesting direction to take, and I do like it how it leads up to the storytelling of The Adventures of Kusha and Lava. However, I would maybe italicize the “DAD!! DAAAAAD!!... (etc.)” bit so it would separate from Rama’s narration. Otherwise, it kind of sounds/looks like Rama’s simply yelling out for his father randomly because there was no indication of a voice change or who specifically was talking. Other than that, I see no problems with your introduction at all! I really liked this casual form of storytelling, and I can’t wait to see what trouble Kusha and Lava get into in your upcoming chapters!
ReplyDelete(Side Note: I like the picture of Rama you added to your introduction! I also used it on my storybook because I thought it was a really cool illustration of him.)
I love the voice you choose to go with! I can totally see a little bit cocky/confident Rama telling this story! I think its great that you made Rama the ultimate dad figure, because in the Ramayana I felt like that element was missing! One thing that I think you do great is that you warn the audience that you will be replacing the main characters of the stories with the sons. I think that this opens you up to be creative with the stories without confusing the reader. One thing I would love to see is maybe change the part at the bottom when the are calling for Rama. I like that part, but it seemed a little out of the blue! Maybe, adding a line or something about hearing his sons calling him would help it flow a little better. Overall, I am really excited to see what kind of stories you bring into this storybook! I am also excited to see the dad that Rama will be!! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction. I thought that it was fun and that it will make into a great story. I like that you made the introduction into the voice of Rama. It made the story more relatable and fun to read. I like how you played the voice of Rama but will be making the story about the sons. That is going to make this story a winner. I think that one thing you could consider is changing the last part where they are calling out, making sure that you give the quotes to someone and not just a random voice at the end, it really is just kinda coming from no where when you are saying that. I think that if you put some voice behind it, it will make it more understandable. Overall I think that this story is going to be great and that it will be great once you finish.
Sydney, this introduction is so cute! I love how the whole thing is written from the perspective of Rama! I think he was a pretty big deal back in his day huh? I like how you introduced his two sons. I almost feel like I am sitting in my bed with my grandpa who is about to tell me old stories from his past! I love it! I love the element you added to the end where the kids are yelling for dad! I could totally picture that in my head! Every kid goes through this where they are yelling for their mom or dad and I am sure that is what every reaction of the parent is! What if the picture you had on there fit more of this scene? The picture doesn’t seem to fit the mood and setting of the picture you have painted in this introduction. I cannot wait to read the stories that come to follow this!
ReplyDeleteCopy and paste your text hereI must say, I am interested to see where this storybook goes. When we first started the class and were told to explore storybooks, I found one very similar to this and thought it was a very creative way to approach the project. I like that you will be having the boys chime in on the stories sometimes too. It is neat to hear Rama be casual about his past and his history. He seems confident, though! I wonder where Sita is in your storybook. Did she never come back to the family, did she die? I am curious to know. What if you explained even in one sentence why Sita is not around or where she is. Maybe that can be one of the stories that Rama tells to the boys in the storybook. Good luck with the continuation of your project. I look forward to following the progress and development of your ideas.
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteWow, I really loved your introduction! This was a great way to keep me wanting to know more, and this twist was really wonderful. You were able to portray each character's personality through a completely different story, and I admire that. I wonder, however, if there could be some additions to make this even stronger. What if you also were to give the readers some more insight as to what the rest of your website will contain? I know you indicated it in the Author's Note, but maybe something in italics at the beginning or at the end with something along the lines of "This was one of many stories that Rama told his sons" or just something that allows us to see the point of this introduction. I think I was just a little confused until I got to the very bottom and read the author's note, but as a whole, this story was spectacular! I am excited to see what else you come up with, and how you present new stories with different items!! Nice job!!!
Hi Sydney! You storybook idea is so fun and original! I like how you are keeping the names and most of the facts the same as the original story. This really does make it easier for the reader to draw parallels between your story and the original story from the Ramayana. I also like the inclusion of the authors note at the end. This really helps the reader know where to look for more information. I would love to see more images that go along with the stories! Just like children's stories, storybook pictures could be a really fun addition! Overall great job, and I can't wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney! I really enjoyed the story in your storybook. I love that Rama is a father telling this story to his children. Making your storybook read by a parent is something most people can relate to. I really liked that your version of this story included cows. That was a interesting twist to the original story. I like that the demon had given them the fix to the town's problems instead of the God. This switch in detail makes the story more interesting to me. I like that someone evil would help them out. I assume that it is for her own gain but we shall see as you continue your storybook. I guess the same is true about the lamp as well. I would have liked to seen some dialogue though even though this is in the form of a story being told to children. It would be funny to read about Rama doing the voices of the characters for his children. My parents always did silly voices and that would be a great detail to add to this. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteWow, that last time I came across your Storybook project, I had only gotten the chance to read your introduction! It looks like you have put a lot of work into your Storybook since then, and I love it. I read the first story you created "No More Milk" and it was such a great story. I had never heard of this tale before, so your author's note was very helpful. I wonder if there are any more images you could add to your website as the story continues to allow readers like myself to visually see the story. I love how you are forming the story as one in which Rama tells his children, and just like storybooks, I think pictures definitely make a big difference. Maybe if you also separated the paragraphs with instances of dialogue just to switch things up a little bit, and make the story more interesting. But, overall, I really liked your creativity in approaching this story and am so glad I was able to check back in and see the great amount of progress you have made!
Hi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook project is looking so good so far. I want to first say that I love your website, you can tell that you have put a lot of work into it and have tried to ensure that it looks nice. Your picture for your first story was so colorful and bright, it helps me to have a visual and it helps me to picture what you were envisioning for your stories inspiration when you incorporate pictures, so definitely keep that up! I loved the incorporation of some dialogue right at the start of your story it grabs the readers attention and makes them interested. Your authors note was super helpful as well in helping me really see what inspired you. I can't wait to hopefully read more and see how your stories progress!
I read the first adventure. It was a great story and I love the glass cows that you used for the image! I think it is great that you changed the story to also do good for the town by placing them in a better economic position. There are some grammatical errors throughout the paragraphs. There were two that caught my eye. The first was about the tired cows in the first paragraph. The second was regarding people who dealt with magic which is in the second paragraph. I think prompting your readers about the next story was an excellent idea to place in your author’s note. This will keep your readers from asking questions about what happens next or for more character development. I believe I will do the same. You know that they say copying is the greatest compliment, so thank you! I think it is going to be fun to follow Kusha and Lava in their bedtime stories and look forward to doing so.
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteeverything you have done so far with your blog and your project looks good. Someone mentioned above me that you should do a click, dialogue based project between the reader and Rama, or where the reader decided which path to take etc. I think that would be a really cool design as well, and if you do that, there are a few projects from last semester you should definitely check out.
Hi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to be back looking at your Storybook. I read your second story that you have created, and it was great! The amount of detail, and the way you were able to incorporate elements from the original story was really good. I wonder, however, if there are a few things that could make this story stronger. What if you had more dialogue between the characters? I know I stated this about the last story, but I do believe that dialogue allows a reader to imagine the story for themselves. Also, I think maybe a short recap of what happened in the last story in italics before beginning the new story may help readers like myself, who decide to come back to your storybook, try to remember what the last story was about since all of it is connected. Overall, this was a great addition to your storybook and I love what you did with it. The author's note was very helpful, and I am looking forward to see what you do next! So glad I was able to come back and see your progress. Nice job!
Hey SYdney, I am very pleased with what I read in your storybook! It's so awesome to be able to read something that somebody has created, especially when it is as good as yours! My favorite aspect of your storybook is how you were able to use the original story so well and incorporate aspects of that story to better yours! Like the previous post above mine, I think something that could make your story even better is a short recap of what happened in the last story. This is because there is so much great information to retain in your story, that a recap would be awesome so we don't forget any cool details!
ReplyDeleteReading through your story again gave me a few idea's I wanted to share with you. First, I have come to deeply enjoy the manner in which your story is narrated: as a father speaking to his two sons. If you word and phrase everything right, you can quickly switch between the interaction between the father and the twin sons, with the fathers story seamlessly.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned in a prior post, doing a click based story where the reader gets to pick some of the dialog that is shared with the sons and father would be really cool. It would take a little work, but adding the click options where the reader IS one of the sons, deciding what to say to his father about and during the story, would be really cool.
With that you could do things like:
The father is mid story. It breaks away to give the reader the option of asking a questions about the story or to continue listening. Giving the options of something like:
"What happened to Shiva after that?" you ask eagerly.
"..." You listen patiently.
That is merely something interesting I would love to see you do, but in no means required. Just an idea I thought you would enjoy.
HI!
ReplyDeleteI read your storybook this week and I really liked the way you chose to write it as a bedtime story because it makes it more comfortable to read and to imagine. But at the same time, it would be nice if there was more dialogue in the story. For example, whenever you wrote "Are you ready for the story?" "YEAH!!!" It made me really interested and I wanted to read it even more. I was actually reading Todd's suggestion about the click based story, and I think that would be really cool to try if you have the time to integrate it well. Because then the stories would vary based on each child's response, which gives you more flexibility and room for creativity. Granted, this will require more time, but it would result in something amazing. All in all, I think your idea for your storybook is solid with a great framework to showcase the stories in. I can't wait to see what new ideas you are going to implement and what new stories you are going to add.
One thing I really enjoyed about your Storybook was reading the introduction. I liked that you used first person point of view because it made the storybook more personable. I also liked that you said that you were Rama. This made it even more easier for the author to connect to the story book since we spent a long time on learning who Rama was and his story. A suggestion I have is maybe saying who is saying Dada. It just seems that Rama suddenly says it. Maybe using it in parentheses or vitalizing it would help? I think the way you set up the story book is honestly genius. At the end it leads straight into the stories. This is an amazing transition piece. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I think you did a wonderful job with the format and setting it up and everything. I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney! I really enjoyed reading the first story in your storybook! I love how it was told from the point of view of the father telling a story to his children, because it's something we can all relate to - being told stories by family members we looks up to. I think you did a great job of writing the story as well! You took a very serious issue, (hunger) and made it into a child appropriate and fun-to-read story! I love the idea of them going to look for this "magic cow" that will save the village, and them retrieving the magic grass instead. Your writing style is very clear and concise which makes it easy to follow along with! The format of the story looks great as well. The only suggestion I have for you is I would have liked to see more dialogue! Even just a few interjections from the kids about what they were hearing from their father like "no way!!!!" or "tell us more!!!". Just little things to break up the story to remind the reader of the setting - a bed time story. Other than that easy fix, your story was awesome! Great job, can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteSydney, I was so excited to check in with your project again this week and see where and how your stories have developed. Your use of dialogue is excellent! I think that you really allow the reader to feel and see your characters by using dialogue throughout your story, so definitely keep including that in your future writings. Your attention to detail is also really really good, I do not ever really find myself asking questions about what is going on because you explain everything so well. I like how you are writing in a series and are connecting your stories each week, that makes it exciting for me to come back and check in on what is happening next. I wish you would include a couple of more pictures throughout the story, I would love to be able to visualize the boys in the story.
ReplyDeleteSydney, I thought that your Third Adventure story was really good. You did a great job with providing a lot of detail and that helped to make it very understandable as I read. I enjoyed the fact that you were telling this story out of the standpoint that you were telling a bedtime story to your kid. I thought that played a big role in how your characters grow and develop as we see it happening through this lens. I think that your story could use more of an interaction from the children to the dad. Just to make it seem like they care more about the stories and that they are super interested and not just a little bit intrigued by what their dad is saying. But throughout your story I saw a lot of good emotion in the way that the story was being told. I loved being able to read your story this week and look forward to reading more. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteSydney, your story was so interesting and very intriguing. I love how you are making a story about stories being told to kids from their dad. I think that this is making your story great. I love that you are able to create this and keep it so close to the original story but adding in what you want. I think that your last story made for a great ending to your storybook. The only question I had was, since this is a story of someone telling stories, who is speaking in the paragraphs without quotation marks? It seems you are telling a story to the kids in that piece but not giving it a narrator. If the overall story supposed to be a dad telling a story to the kids, then I think your narration should be about what the dad is thinking not the story he is telling. Great job in your storybook. Really enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteHey Sydney! First of all, I really like the layout of your page. It is easy to navigate and I like the imagery that you used. Your introduction definitely caught my attention from the very first sentence and you do a great job of getting the reader engaged with the story. The introduction does a fantastic job of setting up the stage for what is about to come for the rest of the stories. But, you also do a great job of explaining the background of the story behind Lava, Kusha, Rama, Sita, and all of their adventures. I liked how as you progressed through the story, you used different tales to tie in stories to Lava and Kusha. The dialogue and the imagery really help in making your stories engaging and fun to read. I think you did a great job with these stories! Awesome job, Sydney, the stories rock!
ReplyDeleteI really love your idea of adapting the stories of Indian heroes and fairy tales into the format of a father telling his two sons stories so that they can pretend to go on adventures. I also think it was really clever of you to write the story such that the father and his sons were key members of the realm of Indian Epics. I had almost forgotten that Rama had two sons given how everything ended between Rama and Sita in the epic. The stories you wrote were so fun and engaging. It really felt as though a father was telling his sons a story of adventure and heroism to help them play creatively and pretend to have their own adventures. It was also incredibly fitting to write the ending such that there was a clear lesson about the virtues of compassion and wisdom. You did an excellent job with this storybook, and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you!
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